Not In Love
by Wallwalker
Summary: [FFVI] Love can begin in the strangest places and at the strangest times. Beside a river, for example, in the dead of the night. Edgar x Terra. Vignette.


The cave was dark and quiet, save for the constant rushing of the water.

Edgar had insisted on taking first watch, over all objections - not that he thought they had anything to fear. The Imperial soldiers weren't going to break up their army into small groups just to chase them downriver; they had no reason to. They'd find out that the river led them directly to Narshe, and then they'd just have one more reason to march to the town and attack in force.

No, he just wanted to use that time to think. There hadn't been much privacy in the Returner's hideout, and he wanted a little privacy. There were things that he wanted to think about, things that didn't involve the attack on South Figaro or the attacks on Narshe, or even worrying about Locke. He thought of those things plenty during the day; they were things that he could say to the others if he chose, things that they were all feeling.

He couldn't do the same with a silly comment that Locke had made, an off-the-cuff joke. He didn't think they'd be able to sympathize. Sabin would just laugh along with Locke's sentiment again. Banon would probably tell him to keep his mind on the task at hand, and Terra... he didn't want to imagine Terra's reaction.

So he had chosen to take the first watch, because he wanted to think about it for a while. He wanted to figure out why it bothered him at all. Locke had teased him about his flirting for years, and he'd never reacted so badly; he'd just retaliate with a pointed witticism about his occupation, and they'd both laugh. And Edgar understood why Locke had said it, even at such a tense moment; that was just Locke's way of trying to ease the tension, lighten up the situation they were in. Especially for Terra; she'd looked so uneasy, and Locke's joke _had_ made her smile, if only for the briefest moment.

But that was just it, and Edgar was deluding himself if he didn't admit it. It was the thought of Terra listening to Locke's joke about the young king being a lecher and a womanizer. That, coupled with the memory of her blank expression when he'd tried to charm her at their first meeting, bothered him more than he cared to admit. He tried to tell himself that it was nothing, and that he was just being moody; too much was happening, and his mind tended to go down these strange avenues when things were going wrong.

He smiled to himself in the dark. Edgar had charmed a lot of women, one way or another; he'd possessed a natural talent for it since before he'd reached puberty. But it was always the few who didn't fall for him immediately that caught his eye. They were mysteries of a sort, and Terra was the most mysterious one of them all.

He wasn't in love. Not now, with the horrible image of his kingdom burning down around him in the forefront of his thoughts. He was sure that he wasn't...

Edgar jumped as he heard something then, something like a footstep behind him. His first thought was that he'd been wrong, one of the soldiers _had_ caught up with him after all, and he'd scrambled for his sword as he turned his head. But he recognized Terra behind him almost at once, her thin, pale face glowing in the firelight, and he relaxed somewhat. "Oh... hello," he said, and cursed himself inwardly for his lack of eloquence. He could give a much better greeting than that... "Are you all right?"

She nodded and knelt down beside him. "I can't sleep," she said, her voice quiet and drowsy. "Banon and Sabin are both asleep... I just wanted some fresh air."

"Ah." Edgar nodded. "Fresh air and relief from Sabin's snoring, I'd wager." He forced a smile, but didn't look up at Terra again to see if she had smiled too. "Go ahead, sit down if you want. It's quiet out here."

She sat down next to him then; he heard the rustling of the blanket as she settled beside him. "Does that mean we've escaped?"

Edgar heard something like hope in her voice, and hesitated, not wanting to dash it immediately. "For the moment," he finally said.

"Good," she said. Then he heard her sigh. "They'll be heading to Narshe, though. For that Esper. For me."

"I'm sorry, Terra," he said. "If there was any other way, I wouldn't want to see you involved in this."

She was quiet for a moment, staring out over the dark water. He could barely see her in the torchlight, could barely see the contours of her face as she stared, still and unblinking, as if there was truly something there to see. She looked delicate, perfect in the dim light. It was easy to forget the scars he'd seen in the brightness of the desert sun, if only briefly - shiny pink marks, mostly hidden by her wispy green bangs.

"In a way," she finally said, very softly, "I'm glad that I am. Involved in this, I mean."

He looked at her, startled. "Even if it means having to fight?"

"It's different, now. I can fight on my own. No one else can force me to do it." She turned to him, and he could see that she had a small smile on her face. "Locke said something to me about free will... about being able to choose my own path now. I think I'm starting to believe him."

Edgar felt something twist inside of him when he saw that smile, the same thing that had tugged at him when she'd spoken so confidently in the hideout. She'd been abused, beaten, hurt... he knew that. He didn't have to know all of the details - the tale that Locke had told about her, and the scars that he'd seen on her forehead, told him everything he needed to know. He'd heard rumors about the Empire's experiments with mind control, horrible rumors... rumors that appeared to have been borne out in fact.

That was why her smile tugged at his heart. When he saw it, he saw a hint of the girl she might have been, if she hadn't been put through so much. And even with that little hint, she rivaled every fancy noblewoman and desert-born beauty that he'd ever met.

He didn't know how to say it. He didn't think that it was the right time to say it, not then. Not until the chaos had settled...

Terra stared back out over the water. "Sitting here is relaxing," she said. "I... I think I'd like to stand my watch now. You've been out here for a while, right?"

"Not that long," he said, realizing that he'd lost track of time since Terra had arrived. "Are you sure you're ready for it?"

"Yes, I'm sure. I can't sleep anyway, and you sound a little bit sleepy already. You are, aren't you?"

Edgar had to smile. "A little bit." He stood up, then remembered the torch. "You should take this," he said. "Let me -"

"No, it's all right. You take the torch," she said. Then she smiled a bit and cupped her hands together in front of her face. A small flame burst into life, making shadows flicker around them. "There," she said. "That will be enough for me."

"All right," he said, and swallowed hard - it was at least a bit easier, now, to remember Terra's magic and not be startled. "See you in the morning, then."

With that he turned away, back toward the tents. She was right; he was getting tired. It had been a very difficult week... he needed to get his head back together, more than he needed the sleep. She was very perceptive...

No... he wasn't in love, he reminded himself. Not just then. But he turned around and looked at her one last time - the young woman who stared out across the dark water, holding firelight in the palms of her hands - and he knew that it might not be long before he fell in love with her for real.

--

_A/N: Written for het(und)challenge on lj (why can't we have underscores in fic posts on this site, again?) Yes, I realize that me having written this fic means that hell has frozen over. Carry on._


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